That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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