Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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