He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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