im having a threesome with these popsicles
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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