I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
