Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
