I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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