She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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