I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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