question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
