Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
