oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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