Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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