hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
