I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
