well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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