My room smells like vodka and shame
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
