hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
