Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
