walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
