Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
