we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
