More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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