In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
