I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
