Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
