I am puke
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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