My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
