Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Of course I have a pirate flag
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
