"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i may or may not be watching the land before time
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
