I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
