Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
