if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
