He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
