Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i love accidental penises.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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