Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you traded sex for a burrito?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
