this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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