This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
