This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
