I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
