Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
