go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
false alarm, still single
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
