last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
