Plan B is the new Plan A
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
