They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
