It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
