im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
