this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
