swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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