ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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