She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
