very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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