i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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