Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
