im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
