Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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