Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
